2012

What a year, and what an Old boys!

In true Olympic spirit, the ‘election’ of a new Chairman featured an amazing set of challenges, and some brilliant performances by the contenders. Unfortunately, that was not the case with Mickey Donnelly’s pitiful breakfast attempt.

It all started on the Friday, as documented by our new Chairman……

Friday, 4th May pm

So, Friday, well apparently it started early with a sport known as Golf. This sport, according to history is so-named as an acronym for Gentleman Only Ladies Forbidden. My question is; how the hell were a set of Old Boys allowed to play Golf? Because let’s face it guys, over this weekend which one of us was gentleman?! Plus, REALLY!! A game where you tap a small ball around a field with a stick? Sounds a lot like what those hockey boys do. Come on now!!

Onwards, with people arriving at various hotels (I am sure to the dismay of the respective owners). The Bay Tree lot doing the usual and giving Mr Curtis a pants check immediately.

From here, for many of us Rascals was the first stop where 8 man table football and coin-stack killer ensued. Of course, all of this was made even more entertaining by Mr Megson’s homemade Christmas jumper, he’ll clearly make a great wife someday. Mr Edwards having been the one who tried to persuade people to wear Christmas jumpers, let his fellow Old Boy down. What a twat!

Forwards to The Menai, where we all basically had a mass reunion. Initially, there was one major absentee noted by all those gathered. Where was Mr Chairman? He arrived eventually and began in true form….with FINES!! Obviously, honourable man he is, he dished out his own fine accordingly – two pints for being late. Then, to the rest of us a range of other fines were handed out for a selection of faux-pas’ over the course of the year, or in the case of Mr Edwards for simply because he deserves it. Mr Williams/myself was given an ample fine for bringing a non-old boy friend, a football friend no less. Cue the fine and the obvious Inbetweeners references. This friend, Mr Falder, simply became known as Mr Friend (Fwieeeeeend!) for the rest of the weekend.

From here, various other pubs were visited, before we all headed to The Occy for what can only be described as a very messy first night. Just look at the pictures!

Saturday day

Saturday has traditionally, for some of us, been the day to have a little lie in followed by a walk to a football pitch to have a nice friendly game of red arse/tan arse. Yeah whatever, as if it’s friendly. However, this year we did manage to avoid Mr Megson breaking a parked car unlike 2011 when he put a rather large dent in the side of one.

Obviously, the much anticipated Old Boys t-shirts were handed out and worn with pride. This year’s theme being the Olympics, each Old Boy had a specific event printed on their shirt.

Moving swiftly on to what can only be described as some of the most memorable events of recent Old Boys years, alongside of course Mr Owen’s, Mr Donnelly’s and Mr Hoppitt’s trip through a roof in 2008 (BV3 Forever!). We met at the Ffriddoedd bar (Now shamefully called Bar Uno)….

THE CHAIRMAN CHALLENGE

The Board explained the rules, and Mr Chairman handed over the reins for the duration – becoming once more Mr Long and ready for the highly anticipated Chairman’s Challenges.

The competitors:

Mr Hill
Mr Edwards
Mr Long
Mr Williams

Four brave and idiotic souls who were set on a journey the champion of which would become the new Mr Chairman.

Round 1

Instructed immediately to head to the bar and then meet at a podium type table. The four men stood one side of the table facing The Board and the rest of the congregation. The challenge was set before us: do a shot, strip naked, down a pint, get dressed (fully and correctly), do another shot and stand to attention. Four very different approaches were employed.

Mr Williams (The Speedster) rapidly did the shot, stripped off as if his life depended on it, not taking any due care as to how his clothes departed him or indeed where they landed. He then reduced the pint before him to an empty glass. Unfortunately for him, his rapid approach hindered him in his attempts to get re-dressed, inside out pants and socks strewn across the floor proving a real enemy. Belt done, he then sank his 2nd shot.

Mr Hill (The Relaxer) downed his shot in fair time and removed his clothes with classic regard for them. This laid back approach really became evident as he leant against a post (Little Hill hanging out for all to see) and casually drank his pint without a care in the world. He then proceeded to get dressed as if he were simply getting ready work. Completing his challenge by doing the final shot.

Mr Edwards (The Twat) necked his shot and rapidly began to remove his clothes (and given his supposed record with women something you’d think he might be quite good at). Having removed his clothes he began to down his pint (something he has never been to great at) and in fairness did pretty well. Duly, he then re-dressed himself and saw away his shot.

Mr Long (The Organiser) did his shot and really threw himself into the task, removing his clothes not only quickly but with great composure too. This would prove vital. He then chugged back his pint with his eyes firmly set on the goal and given his organised manner easily re-dressed himself. Finally, he did his shot and stood awaiting the result.

Which was as follows:

1st Mr Long
2nd Mr Williams
3rd Mr Edwards
4th Mr Hill (No shock given his relaxed approach) was still getting dressed as the results were being read out!

Each man was then asked to create a new Old Boy rule.

– Mr Hill – something to do with being buff and the gym.
– Mr Edwards – something twatish.
– Mr Williams – something to do with cock art.
– Mr Long – A rule where your drink has to be a fingers length in from the edge of the table.
(This was disregarded due to the fact it would mean pointing at your beer, thus breaking
standard Old Boys rules)

All of the above considered, Mr Hill was eliminated, leaving only three.

Round 2

The first challenge of the round: Bartender. This challenge entailed the three remaining contestants creating a drink. Marks were given for taste, aesthetics, delivery and style. With all three competitors again taking very different approaches to this challenge: Mr Edwards went for taste and pungency; Mr Long went for a drink with taste, looks and the enjoyment factor; Mr Williams went for a themed drink, tasted horrific but delivered with style.

The next challenge: Penguin Race. Outside we went, two pints in hand. The congregation stood on a raised deck looking down on the three Old Boys below. Our challenge, to neck a pint, do a lap of a given circuit with our pants round our ankles, neck another pint and then do another lap. Mr Williams, using his earlier tactic of speed, nailed his first pint and set off on his lap, closely followed by Mr Long and Mr Edwards. All three men struggled round the grassy knoll waving at passers-by (not only with their hands might I add). The congregation were going mad with laughter as Mr Williams came in to the pits first, followed by Mr Edwards and Mr Long. However, out of breath from running and full of gas Williams struggled, Mr Long and Mr Edwards got away first. As they headed around the track again, stumbling and almost falling over, Mr Williams gave it his all, to burst through into the lead and snatch victory. Mr Edwards came in second closely followed by Mr Long.

Back inside we went. Challenge number 3 for the remaining men: Blind Texts. Simple, rotate the competitors phones, pick a random name in the phone book and send a text. Judged on quality of content but mainly the laugh out loud factor. Mr Edwards chose a random girl in Mr Long’s phone (or so he thought) and sent her an offensive and confusingly sexual message. Mr Long, selecting his victim from Mr Williams phone carefully, decided on his dad. Mr Long sent a brilliantly worded message declaring Mr Williams’ love for a young man called James, wonderful. Mr Williams picked the most recently messaged person in Mr Edwards phone, the girl he boinked the night before. Mr Williams declaring that Mr Edwards was indeed repulsed by her poor vaginal hygiene. All texts were judged and initially met with laughter of varying degrees. However, Mr Edwards’ text to the girl in Mr Long’s phone was given another hurrah and had the congregation rolling about with laughter as it was declared said girl was in fact Mr Long’s sister.

Following the three events another was eliminated. Unfortunately, it was Mr Long, a
great round of applause followed, becoming a standing ovation not for the result, but as sign
of massive respect to the outgoing Mr Chairman.  Mr Long was immediately inducted onto The
Board, where he will, I’m sure, continue to lead by example at future Old Boys.

It is at this point I would like to say a massive thank you and congratulations to Mr Long
for doing such a sterling job over the previous two years.

THE CHAIRMAN CHALLENGE (CONTINUED)

To Lower Bangor and Varsity. The Challenges took time out for food, the FA cup final between some Scousers and some Cockneys, and of course the unveiling of this year’s Cock Art. The latter was definitely the highlight as the Cup final was dull and well let’s face it, a bar is for drinking and not food. This year, Mr Megson and Mr Williams once again managed to cook up something new for their Modern Art display. Not so aptly named The Garden of Eden.

ROUND 3 – THE FINAL

Challenges resumed and Mr Edwards and Mr Williams were called upon by The Board. The next Challenge was laid down, find someone and get them to do something daft. This in all honesty was probably the tamest of the challenges as both men managed to get one person to do something of a daft nature.

The next challenge however fell perfectly into Mr Edwards’ domain. Talking to women and getting them out their clothes. The two men had a certain time limit in which to get a piece of ladies clothing and put it on for all to see. To start with, they both aimed too high, trying to get underwear, dresses and skirts. Eventually seeing the error of their ways the two men set off in search of game women willing to give up a top. With time ticking away and members of The Board reminding us thusly, Mr Edwards found his victim. A current female student agreed, within the time-limit, to swap tops with him. Mr Williams however, was still frantically searching. Although out of time, he eventually found a slutty looking blonde sporting a Hooters vest. She (Un-surprisingly) agreed to swap, however, she then ran off with Mr Williams top leaving him sporting a Hooters vest for the rest of the day. The Board, taking everything into consideration from all of the challenges across the day, decided on one last challenge at the next pub.

The Albion. An uncomfortable setting for the Football Old Boys, as it’s traditionally seen as a hockey hang out. None the less, we commandeered a room towards the back of the pub. Everyone having purchased their drinks sat around a table and waited. The challenge, take control of the congregation and guide them in a game of your choice whilst still enforcing all Old Boys rules.

Mr Edwards going first. He chose his associates carefully, picking an all new team and introduced a game to the congregation. Quickly he showed he had control dishing out fines and using his team wisely. His time drew to a close and he had put in a good showing. A difficult act to follow for Mr Williams.

Mr Williams began by choosing his associates, but unlike Mr Edwards he did not choose a whole new team. Using outgoing Mr Chairman (Mr Long) and introducing the new role, Master of Ceremonies and appointing Mr Giddings to this role. He then chose a member of the congregation to explain the rules of the game in no less than 30 seconds. As the game was moving on, Mr Williams was seemingly losing control of certain current students in the group. He quickly stamped his authority and closed them out of the circle.

Time up. Judgement Time!!

The Board deliberated for a while and eventually made their decision. (Drum roll please…)

It was announced, by the slightest of margins, Mr Williams was given the coveted jacket, to become Mr Chairman for the next two years. Mr Edwards was gracious in defeat. Oh and how he should be as it was not over for the new man. Oh no. He was then inducted. Top removed, bear skin exposed [surely you mean bare Mr Chairman? – Eds], as each member of The Board took a turn to deliver an almighty slap to his back (Red Hand of Ulster). With exception of Mr Jones (Small Paul) whose hand could never be described as ‘almighty’.

So there it was. Guided by their new Mr Chairman, the congregation moved on into the night. Many a drink was had, many a dance was danced and fortunately no poo hats were worn (Mr Hill).

THE CHAIRMAN CHALLENGE (CONTINUED)

To Lower Bangor and Varsity. The Challenges took time out for food, the FA cup final between some Scousers and some Cockneys, and of course the unveiling of this year’s Cock Art. The latter was definitely the highlight as the Cup final was dull and well let’s face it, a bar is for drinking and not food. This year, Mr Megson and Mr Williams once again managed to cook up something new for their Modern Art display. Not so aptly named The Garden of Eden.

ROUND 3 – THE FINAL

Challenges resumed and Mr Edwards and Mr Williams were called upon by The Board. The next Challenge was laid down, find someone and get them to do something daft. This in all honesty was probably the tamest of the challenges as both men managed to get one person to do something of a daft nature.

The next challenge however fell perfectly into Mr Edwards’ domain. Talking to women and getting them out their clothes. The two men had a certain time limit in which to get a piece of ladies clothing and put it on for all to see. To start with, they both aimed too high, trying to get underwear, dresses and skirts. Eventually seeing the error of their ways the two men set off in search of game women willing to give up a top. With time ticking away and members of The Board reminding us thusly, Mr Edwards found his victim. A current female student agreed, within the time-limit, to swap tops with him. Mr Williams however, was still frantically searching. Although out of time, he eventually found a slutty looking blonde sporting a Hooters vest. She (Un-surprisingly) agreed to swap, however, she then ran off with Mr Williams top leaving him sporting a Hooters vest for the rest of the day. The Board, taking everything into consideration from all of the challenges across the day, decided on one last challenge at the next pub.

The Albion. An uncomfortable setting for the Football Old Boys, as it’s traditionally seen as a hockey hang out. None the less, we commandeered a room towards the back of the pub. Everyone having purchased their drinks sat around a table and waited. The challenge, take control of the congregation and guide them in a game of your choice whilst still enforcing all Old Boys rules.

Mr Edwards going first. He chose his associates carefully, picking an all new team and introduced a game to the congregation. Quickly he showed he had control dishing out fines and using his team wisely. His time drew to a close and he had put in a good showing. A difficult act to follow for Mr Williams.

Mr Williams began by choosing his associates, but unlike Mr Edwards he did not choose a whole new team. Using outgoing Mr Chairman (Mr Long) and introducing the new role, Master of Ceremonies and appointing Mr Giddings to this role. He then chose a member of the congregation to explain the rules of the game in no less than 30 seconds. As the game was moving on, Mr Williams was seemingly losing control of certain current students in the group. He quickly stamped his authority and closed them out of the circle.

Time up. Judgement Time!!

The Board deliberated for a while and eventually made their decision. (Drum roll please…)

It was announced, by the slightest of margins, Mr Williams was given the coveted jacket, to become Mr Chairman for the next two years. Mr Edwards was gracious in defeat. Oh and how he should be as it was not over for the new man. Oh no. He was then inducted. Top removed, bear skin exposed [surely you mean bare Mr Chairman? – Eds], as each member of The Board took a turn to deliver an almighty slap to his back (Red Hand of Ulster). With exception of Mr Jones (Small Paul) whose hand could never be described as ‘almighty’.

So there it was. Guided by their new Mr Chairman, the congregation moved on into the night. Many a drink was had, many a dance was danced and fortunately no poo hats were worn (Mr Hill).

Sunday am

Footy started civilised, well for Old Boys. The nakedness increased over the course of the match. The game was played with great vigour and determination from both teams, with the Old Boys side spurred on by the traditional tonne of bacon and sausage sarnies supplied by Scorch. Special mention must go to Mr Beech who put in a sterling effort at centre back, only to have the MVP trophy claimed by Mr Donnelly (Mental note made, fines will be given). A number of players caused the game to end 3-3, going into a 15 man penalty shootout. Although over the 15 penalties the Old Boys won. It was the first five that, in the eyes of the Old Stars, counted and the victory was duly awarded to the Students.

 

Sunday pm

Mr Chairman declared a meeting time of 1pm at the Menai. Funnily enough, only about eight of us that turned up on time. Mr Hill, Mr Giddings, Mr Edwards, Mr Megson, Mr Long, Mr Hoppitt, Dr Scorch and Mr Chairman. Casually, food was ordered and drinking slowly started as did games of coin-stack killer. Time moved by and texts were sent to late comers telling them of fines they could expect. Mr Woodfine appeared as did others of the new generation of Old Boys.

Late comers Mr Prosser, Mr Owen and Mr O’Brien were made to down a pitcher of cocktail. Ice seemed to be their enemy as brain freeze dominated. They did manage to get through their challenge. Later comers Mr Donnelly, Mr Jones and Mr Malone endured similar fate. It was from here that things got very strange.

An inflatable pig was randomly purchased. I will remember the events that followed for the rest of my life. As the games and drinking got underway an apoplectic Mr Giddings sat there watching the proceedings casually anally assaulting the pig with his fingers. What the fuck man?? This must have continued for about two hours, or that’s what it felt like. Mind blowing stuff.

We left the Menai looking for new surroundings and a familiar Sunday environment. To the Belle Vue. This was short lived, the Belle Vue has re-invented itself and was majorly busy inside and out. Dr Scorch and another member went in search of refuge. They came back with ‘The Globe’!! The Globe, are you kidding. No, they were not and this was an absolute stroke of genius. We were welcomed to huge space with a massive table.

Mr Giddings in his new role as Master of Ceremonies (Do a pose and others will follow) continued to be a source of porcine sexual assault and hilarity. Drink was clearly catching up with him and he was duly sent to the Old Boys naughty corner. Games and drinks were flowing, pants checks were done and the new Mr Chairman rallied and finally gained control of the unruly mob.

During the afternoon a former Bangor Uni Footballer joined us (who doesn’t have anything to do with the Old Boys normally. He favours his brother’s hockey lot). Mr Vernon (AKA Neville) was a continuing source of entertainment. He simply could not adhere to any of the rules, [*written rule deleted by Eds – 2 fingers Mr Chairman!!!], missing his turn at coin-stack killer and other amounts of ridiculousness. He eventually had to call it a day and sloped away shamed by the Old Boys.

Gap in play with Mr Chairman allowing all to go for food. Many said he was crazy and he could not get them back together after. How wrong they were. With the help of his new mentor (Scorch), Mr Chairman gathered the Old Boys back in the Globe for a bit more debauchery.

Into the evening and Mr Chairman really wanted to bring back the evening singing and games that used to occur. However, the call of Paddy’s karaoke was too great for addicts like Mr “Elvis” Jones and the group was split. Mr Chairman took the younger Old Boys, current students and new generation Old Boys to the Belle Vue for some absolute madness.

Finding a nice little space outside, the boys began. Chicago’s, Sunshine Mountain, Father Abraham and Yogi Bear to name just a few of the songs that were belted out. Of course who could forget the superbly written Old Boys Anthem? Massive thanks to Scorch for that. Continuing in the true spirit, there was an abundance of nakedness and drinking, with fines handed out appropriately, luckily though, no-one fell through any roofs!

Meanwhile, there was another Old Boys tradition happening with many of the ‘older’ generation. Karaoke at Paddy’s, always a great night and a wonderful way to finish a brilliant weekend. So, justly, Mr Chairman and the Belle Vue crew headed to join the rest of them to see out the weekend in style.
Goodbyes were said and the Old Boys went their separate ways back to the normality of everyday life. Till next year.

Huge thanks to all of those involved in making the weekend what it is. I don’t specifically want to name names in fear of missing and offending people, but we all know who they are and we are all indebted to you.